Third Date...

So. Date number 3 has now taken place - and this is more like what I have been waiting for in terms of a good horror story! Be careful what you wish for…

In all fairness, I think I realised this one would NOT be a potential from the email exchanges (and yes, it was another dating website date) - but thought it would be good practice in how to leave politely after one drink. And that was, quite precisely, what it turned out to be.

Absolutely hilarious 40 minutes of my life though - I barely know where to start.

So, No. 3, aged 35, looks (unfortunately, poor chap) every bit of those 35 years, and possibly even nearer 40. Not totally horrific looking but sort of goggly-eyed which rendered him a little unattractive.

To be kind, I was a shocking 15 minutes late - which is appalling as I try never to be late (I blame it entirely on the fact I was enjoying some vino in the sunshine near St Pauls...) - and he was fairly pleasant about it (I let him know I was running late) - or so I thought initially...

So, he was waiting outside the bar he had suggested (a noisy, busy venue in Covent Garden - not enamoured with the suggestion to be honest but oh well) and was on the phone as I walked up. I realised it was him, and sort of gave a little wave and smile as I drew up, he then turned his back, finished his conversation (leisurely) whilst I stood there, slightly awkwardly, a polite distance away from him waiting.... He then hung up and turned around: I apologised profusely etc, he kissed me in an odd flamboyant fashion on each cheek whilst cocking one arm out to the side with a bent wrist, he said no problem (I may have told a white lie about not being able to get away from an emotional friend rather than the actual truth of 'I wanted to finish my 3rd large glass of pinot grigio') and then we headed to a different bar to his initial suggestion (thank goodness).

Ordered a glass of red wine each, settled down, I thought I would initiate conversation... "So, No. 3, you're in telecoms, but what exactly is it that you do?".
Cue: massive rolling of the eyes, an odd limp-wristed flap of the hand, and a reply of "ooooh, why does it matter what I do...?" said in a quite frankly unnecessarily over the top fashion and rather camp way. I thought it was a fairly standard starter question but hey ho. I said "you know - just curious!" in what I would like to think was a suitably light-hearted fashion to try and move on.

He then proceeded to drone on for 5 minutes about the dullest job in the world. He also didn't let my "obsession with what people do" die for the next 40 minutes, along the lines of "So, as you were so keen to know what I do, I suppose you expect me to ask the same of you". Slightly gobsmacked, I smiled politely and briefly explained what I do. When I asked him about his siblings he slipped in "well, I had better tell you what they do as you are interested in that sort of thing" (brother a cargo plane pilot, sister on benefits from what I could gather). Most odd behaviour.

He also didn't let my late arrival drop (which I can sympathise with to a certain extent - I despise late arrivals) - and I could DEFINITELY sense some latent anger issues as he tried to laugh in what I think he thought was a relaxed manner but definitely came across as psychotically restrained. Scary.

Another big issue was the fact that if I met the guy in any other situation other than through a dating website, I would assume he was gay. He was very effeminate, spoke in a rather flowery voice with lots of elongated vowels, flapped that limp wrist of his a fair bit (alot of the time touching me on the shoulder with it which I DID NOT appreciate), fundamentally altered my name with his vowel issues (imagine "Twonty-Seeeeeeeeeeeengle" and generally was just slightly camp.

We moved on to travel at one point and discussed China (which he seems to love) and then the Inca Trail (as he has also done that) but each time he would disagree with something I said... fair enough... but in a rather abrupt, "there is no room for discussion on this point" way. It also didn't help that as he gets more agitated/excited whilst talking about something he flings his arms and wrists around all over the place. The group of male students (fun, early 20s, rather attractive) getting drunk on the table next to us started pointing and laughing at him... They were playing fun-looking drinking games which I kept on longingly looking over at.

So, respective glasses of wine consumed, I wanted to get out of there (as by this stage my lip was rather sore - I had to keep biting it to stop myself laughing at him) so said I had an early start and should head off. Then there was that awkward moment where I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to say, "see you soon" or "speak soon" but thankfully he saved me from that by saying, "Well, Twonty-Seeeeeeeeengle, I am not convinced there is any spark here, but I would like to think I have made a new friend...". Spasms of giggles gripped my tummy, but I smiled politely and said, "ok then, good to meet you" (I couldn't bring myself to agree or disagree) - he gave me a flamboyant double kiss on each cheek and flounced off... hopefully forever.

So, all in all, not a keeper. And I vow to never ever again go on a date if I am thinking before I even get there that it is probably just going to be a good practice date.

Phew. And to those wondering, yes, in this instance I paid for my own drink.